Maybe I Should Apologize To My First Born

Check out my latest blog post at: http://www.susankmacias.com/maybe-apologize-first-born/

Needing to Be Found

Here is my latest post: I Still Need To Get Found

Finding Freedom: Lean Into the Hard

Check out my new blog post about finding freedom, even when it is hard.

Finding Freedom- Quit Trying to Fix Everyothing!

My new blog post is up on my other site. If you would like to read it here is the link:

"...the lines between serving my family and taking on the responsibility of their happiness can become hazy. Yes, I can minister to their hearts, but I can’t fix their hearts."

Finding Freedom- Putting Down the Burdens!

See my latest post about finding freedom by laying down our burdens. 

And I posted here about finding freedom through slowing down!

Where Is Your Happy Place?

I love the movie "Finding Nemo." 

I love the Dad, Marlin, who will go to the ends of the earth to search out his son. (He reminds me of my Heavenly Father Who has gone to the ultimate length to save me.

I love Dory who not only can't remember what she did 2 minutes ago, but also doesn't remember how grumpy Marlin is to her, and never wavers in her loyalty to him. (She reminds me of my children who have seen me at my very worst and yet love me anyway.)

I love Crush, the sea turtle, who is the coolest surfer dude dad ever. (He really doesn't remind me of anyone I know- maybe because I live in Texas? Not many surfer dudes here!)

One scene where I always get a chuckle is when the child-terror Darla, the fish killer, is banging on the aquarium tank, and the starfish, Peach, is saying, "Find my happy place! Find my happy place!"

Sometimes, when life is getting turned upside down on me, I think of Peach, and try to find my happy place.

Up to now, my happy place was picturing myself on a big, cushioned swing hanging in a screened-in porch in the Colorado mountains, with the sound of the rushing river in my ears, a Dr. Pepper by my side, and a good book in my hands.

But today I found a better happy place, even than that:

For in the day of trouble He will conceal me in His tabernacle;
In the secret place of His tent He will hide me;
He will lift me up on a rock.
Psalm 27:6

 Why is this a better happy place?

1. God is the One Who conceals me, hides me, and lifts me to the spot. I don't even have to GET there by myself. My Father, who loves me, takes me there, and then He hides me away in safety.
2. Just look at where He is taking me!

• Tabernacle: where I can PRAISE Him.
• Tent: where I can recover with rest.
• Rock: where I can be secure with a firm foundation.

It just doesn't get much better than that.

So where is my new happy place? In the arms of my loving Heavenly Father, who hides me away in the midst of life's storms.

What could be happier than that?

Where is the Control Z?

My life on the computer was made ever so much easier when I discovered "control-z".

What I know about the computer I have figured out through trial and error. I am from the generation which is NOT intuitively computer savvy. I have learned a great deal over the years, but most of it the hard way.

Every time I make a new discovery on the computer I can literally feel the light come on as I realize how many applications one little key stroke or tool can have.

But the best one ever is control-z.
Undo.

I don't like how that looks?
Control-z.

I accidentally highlighted and then erased an entire paragraph?
Control-z.

I completely messed up this freecell game?
Control-z. Control-z. Control-z.


Today I am wishing for a life control-z button.
Or a do-over.
Or a backsies.

But life in this world with people and stuff and mess and mistakes and sin does not have a convenient button to undo the stuff we mess up.

Thankfully God says:

You are My servant, I have chosen you and have not cast you away;
Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you, yes, I will help you,
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
Isaiah 41:10

How amazing.

God does not require for us to figure it all out.

He looks at us in the midst of our sinfulness, sorrow, and pain and He. Holds. Us.

And today I need to be held.

I cannot undo what has been done, but I can lay down in the palm of my Father's hand and watch Him help me.

I am so glad I don't have to figure this one out.

Enduring Love

I have to admit that yesterday, as we walked into church, I really didn't want to be there.

It wasn't the church.
It was me.

My heart was a conflicted mess and I don't do well when it feels that way.
I felt unloved.
And I felt unloveable.

And then the music began, and the first song:

Give thanks to the Lord, our God and King,
His love endures forever.

As I soaked in those words, which hope longed for but self-condemnation denied, there followed the sweet whispering in my heart, "You are my beloved. You are loved."

I was completely overwhelmed.
Not just because of the humbling fact that the God of the universe reassured my heart of His love, but because I was agonizingly cognizant of how deeply undeserving I was of this love.

His love endures forever.
It endures my bad moods.
It endures my inconsistencies.
It endures my contradictions.
It endures my hot spells and cold spells.
(And it endures my hot flashes, my emotional unreasonableness, and my mood swings.)
It endures my angry outbursts.
It endures my worry, fretting, and complaining.

His love for me is not limited by time, distance, location, weather, circumstance, or situation.

Because His love is based upon Who He is, not who I am or how well I am behaving.

So at a moment that I could not think of another thing to thank Him for (and there were untold number of things to thank Him for- I just couldn't think of them in the jumbled mess of my mind), at that moment I was filled with the healing, sustaining, completing, invigorating fact that My God Loves Me and that Love Endures Forever!

For the Lord is good;

His lovingkindness is everlasting,

And His faithfulness to all generations.

Ps 100:5

Happy Birthday George!

One of the best perks of having been a homeschool mom for the past 20 years is that I learned all sorts of things I never knew before.

Take George Washington.

My knowledge of Washington after 12 years of public school and 4 years earning a history degree was as follows:

• He chopped down a cherry tree and learned not to lie.
• He crossed a river in a boat with some soldiers when it was cold and won a battle.
• He had a really bad winter in Valley Forge.
• He had wooden teeth so he never smiled.
• He won the Revolutionary War.
• He was our first president.

Impressive amount of knowledge, don't you think?

After diving deep into the waters of our country's founding, time and time again with my different students, I have learned a bit more.

But this time around, going through it again with my youngest group, I discovered some very interesting facts that I had totally missed before.

The most illuminating one was this:

• George Washington lost more battles than he won in the Revolutionary War.

That's right.
He fought in 9.
He lost 6.
He won 3.

And because of that there were politicians calling for his resignation.
There were critics that hurled insults.
There were generals underneath him who thought they could do a better job.

And it seems he had nights of deep questioning and severe doubts about what he was doing and why he was doing it.

Listen to this quote:

"I have often thought how much happier I should have been, if instead of accepting of a command under such circumstances, I had taken my musket upon my shoulders and entered the rank, or if I could have justified the measure of posterity, and my own conscience, had retired to the back country, and lived in a wigwam."  ~George Washington

I understand how he felt.
I have thought many times that a "wigwam" in the back country would be a marvelous idea.
Away from the struggles.
Absent of the dissenting voices.
Ignorant of the climatic events that are surrounding me.
Free from the worries of the future.

But just like George, I have no choice but to keep on fighting.
As a woman of honor with a higher calling than myself, I must keep trudging on in the face of apparent defeat, without enough supplies, hearing the nagging voice of doubt ringing in my ears, all the while attempting the look of confidence for those who are following behind me so that they aren't tempted to give up.

In the end, it didn't matter how many battles George won.
It mattered WHICH battles George won.

He won the last battle!
He won Yorktown. The one that mattered. The one that ended the war.

So keep fighting. Whatever war or battle or difficulty or obstacle that you are facing, however many times you have already been defeated, however bleak the future appears or hopeless the circumstances seem......keep fighting.

It does not matter HOW MANY battles you win.
It matters WHICH battles you win.

Don't. Give. Up.

"Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up."   Galatians 6:9

Change is the Only Constant!

Our Christmas letter this year went out decidedly AFTER Christmas, but at least it was BEFORE Valentine's Day!  Disclaimer: This letter is about MY family, so I find it fascinating....I don't really assume anyone else will. But I like to write a letter each year to record the ways God is working in each one of us.

    Let the name of God be praised forever and ever, for wisdom and power belong to him.  
He changes times and seasons, …He gives wisdom to the wise; he imparts knowledge to those with understanding;...O God of my fathers, I acknowledge and glorify you. 

Daniel 2:20-23

On innumerable sappy plaques and countless cheesey coffee mugs is the old saying: Lord grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Change.

There has been much change in our lives over the past year. There has been even more change over the past decade, as our Christmas picture clearly demonstrates! The first picture was taken in Dover, DE in 2002 and the second picture was taken in our front yard in 2012. Yes, there has been a great deal of change.  Babies became children, children became teenagers, and teenagers became adults. And all in the blink of an eye, or so it seems.

Change can be unsettling but it is also inevitable, as well as necessary, as we are molded more and more into the people God desires us to be. When we were young, we thought the molding process would have been done by now. We assumed 5 decades were long enough for God to work on us! But we can attest that God never stops working on His children, and that may be the main reason we take the time every year to sit down and recall some of the things God has done in our lives…because we want to give Him His due. Now, our letter is late again, because some things never change, but here is our best effort at sharing some of the things God has done!

Nathan’s greatest change came in the complete gender shift of the home. It is currently he and six (6!) females occupying our home. Some nights you can find him tucked away in the corner having received more than his share of female hormones for that day. To be honest, he thoroughly enjoys the company of all six lovely young ladies. Though his business has seen modest growth, he continues to look for additional sources of purpose and income. He enjoys teaching with Cru Military one Sunday a month at Lackland AFB, and has joined together with local men to equip and encourage other Christian Men of Business here in our hometown. He enjoys teaching and public speaking whenever the opportunity presents itself. Helping navigate the family in today’s changing seas is always full of challenges and joy!

 Change seems to be one of the main ingredients to Susan’s life this year. She has gone from stay-at-home mom to Principal of a small Christian school, Summit Christian Academy, and finds herself still on the upward climb of the learning curve of the new job. It has been a relief, however, to experience the many ways God has prepared her for this journey over the years. Much of the work and effort of homeschooling has direct applications to this job, so maybe God knew what He was doing?!?! The school is a combination of homeschooling and private schooling so she still teaches Hannah and Abigail at home two days a week. She continues writing on her blog when she can, although finding time for that the past few months has proven difficult. She still enjoys cooking, though the frequency has fallen. And it appears she has given up gardening all together! One item, though, was crossed off her bucket list- she took the girls to DeSmet, SD and saw Laura Ingalls Willder’s home! It was as wonderful as she had hoped!

One of the most important changes for Caleb has been a renewed sense of the call of God on his life. After the heartache and death of a vision that Caleb experienced in the past few years, it is a joy to once again see him feeling joy and living purposefully. He continues as a firefighter, enjoying that job. It allows him the freedom to travel, which he took advantage of this year by traveling down under to Australia.  He also pursues other interests like coaching soccer, photography, and playing with his dogs, Toby and Tess, who had puppies this year -a time consuming but rewarding event.  After spending his entire childhood sharing a room with his two brothers, Caleb now shares his house with them, because being brothers….well, that is one thing that never changes!

The changes in Luke’s life have been in amounts rather than activities. He still talks on the phone incessantly, works with clients strategically, drives all over the state continually, and loves his family and friends passionately. But he just does MORE of all that than he did the year before! Since this past year was a campaign year he was very busy, even by his standards. Macias Strategies had a successful campaign season across the state, with several new, principled men in office. We are grateful to say that even with his success, his smile, his love for family, friends and the Lord, and his passion for living hasn’t changed a bit!

There are two major changes for Aaron this year. First, there is the change of location as he came back to Texas after finishing his second year at Ravencrest (all his family says, “Yeah!”)  Second, there is the change in his heart as he fell deeply in love with a lovely young woman named Gigi Robinson whom he met at Ravencrest.  In between finishing school and starting his new job Aaron spent 6 weeks in Iowa at a Christian camp. Now Aaron is working full-time at a new job (another change!) and living with Caleb and Luke at Caleb’s home. Gigi has recently moved to San Antonio from Alaska and is living with us in Bulverde and has begun studying to become a massage therapist. In order to be selfless and to help her as much as we can, the family has offered to let her practice on them whenever she needs to!

                As Grace ended her school year last spring she again qualified for Nationals in Speech (NCFCA) for the last time, a bitter-sweet experience. Now moving into the next stage of life, Grace has experienced a great deal of change. She is an entrepreneur with her photography business, a part-time student as she finishes a few classes, and a part-time baby sitter to help put gas in the car. She is also an indispensible help to the family in filling in with cooking, cleaning, and other aspects of homemaking. She has a new website for her business, gracemacias.com, if you would like to see some of her work. In her spare time she goes to BSF, visits with friends, and drinks sweet tea!

                Leah has entered a new season and experienced change in several areas as well. She is working part-time for Summit as an Administrative Assistant. She loves working with the kids, and not surprisingly they adore “Miss Leah.” She is finishing up some high school math but has also moved on in her other studies to pursuing college credit through CLEP, passing several tests already. After qualifying for Nationals in Speech and in Debate, and after competing for 4 years, she is taking a break from competition this year. But the biggest change she would like to occur is for her to become a licensed driver, an accomplishment to which she is painfully close.  Along with Aaron and Grace, Leah was taken on one last cruise! This time they got to go to Alaska where they were awe-struck by the incredible natural beauty.

                Change has been a major player in Hannah’s year this year. Last spring, in her first year of Speech competition, she and Grace did a Duo (an interpretive speech done together) with which they won Regionals and received 16^th in Nationals.  This school year she has entered the world of private school two days a week with backpacks, lunch boxes, uniforms, and teachers other than her mother! We still homeschool three days a week, but it has been a big adjustment! Another change is the opportunity Hannah has been blessed with to learn flute. She is trading babysitting for lessons and seems to have a natural ability with the instrument. She hopes to add guitar to the list this year!

                Abigail has rolled with the changes in her life with amazing resilience this year. She has adapted well to Summit and enjoys her classes and her new friends. She is enrolled in a new ballet school where the study is taken much more seriously, but she has thrived with the discipline and loves it! Another change for Abby is a bit of a growth spurt, though it would appear to be completely in her legs! (Not entirely a bad thing for a ballerina.) Thankfully, at least so far, some things about Abigail have not changed. She is still gentle, and cuddly, and silly, and sweet. And she will always hold the place of “baby” of the family!

And there you have it- another year of revisions, adjustments, corrections, refinement, modifications, and well, in a word, CHANGE!  Yes, we have changed. But the good news is that God, in Whose hands our lives and our futures rest, has said, “For I am the LORD, I do not change” (Malachi 3:6) How grateful we are that His is a God that “is the same yesterday, today, and forever.” (Hebrews 13:8). What an amazing gift that this infinite, eternal God desires and seeks relationship with us!

The Macias Family prays that you are blessed this year with the presence, the reality, and the assurance of the love that the never-changing God of the universe has for each of you.

Nathan, Susan, Caleb, Luke, Aaron, Grace, Leah, Hannah, and Abigail

A Five Minute Goal

Here it is February, 1/12th of the way through 2013, and I still haven't made any goals for this year.

So what is the grace period on "New" Year's resolutions? Or in other words, how long is the New Year new?

I have felt resistance to resolutions this year. I was fine with carefully avoiding them up to now, but somehow I feel I let a ball drop or have a task undone. And I hate feeling like I left a task undone.

Oh, the curse of being a "doer".

But I have come up with a new idea for this year.
I had already decided to make this the year of living "right now" in the life I have.

So why not make my resolutions "Right Now" resolutions?
Instead of deciding on something big I will need a long time to accomplish, like losing ten pounds, or running a 10K, or writing my first novel,...instead I will resolve on something I can do in the next 5 minutes.

I will show God's grace toward the slow cashier.
I will appropriate Christ's long-suffering toward the guy in the big truck who just cut me off.
I will follow Jesus' example of long-suffering by listening intently to the long, drawn out description being given to me by my 10 year old when what I really want to do is spend a few mindless minutes on Facebook.
I will return evil for good.
I will remember that love endures all things.
I will give a gentle answer so that wrath will be turned away.
I will lay down my life for my friend.

At least for the next five minutes.
Because I cannot really be that good for an entire day.
And for a whole week?
Yeah, not so much.

But for the next five minutes?
And the five minutes after that?
And the next five minutes after that?

I don't need to look at my entire day, or week, or month, or year, and try to figure out how to get enough of God's grace to get me through all the trials and temptations. That simply overwhelms me.

But I can appropriate the ever-available, always-sufficient, never-ending, supernaturally-enabling grace and power of the Eternal God for the next five minutes.
Because, right now I need His grace, for my right now.
And for my next right now, and my next right now, and my.....well, you get the idea.

So my goal- to just keep living for Jesus five minutes at a time, for a whole year.

Jesus, let's do this thing. Because I can't do it without You- not even for five minutes.

"I Need Thee Every Hour"....Every. Single. One.

Every now and then an old hymn is part of our praise singing at church.

I love the oldies. There is such richness in the words. There is often a vibrant, poetical style as a saint of old tried to capture a measure of the eternal in the transient vapor of earthly words.

A few weeks ago we sang "I Need Thee Every Hour", a hymn written in 1872 by Mrs. Annie Hawks. As we first began to sing I was lulled by the familiarity and nostalgia of the tune and cadence of the words.

But then something happened...an understanding dawned.

I need Thee EVERY hour. Every. Single. One.

In the hour that I wake up and struggle between the desire to tunnel down into the covers and the need to get up so I have time in the Word before the masses wake up...I need Thee in that hour.

Next, in the hour that we are rushing out the door, and we are almost late, and someone has to run in for one. more. thing....I need Thee in that hour.

Then, in the hour when I am on the road, behind the truck that is perfectly content going 15 miles an hour slower than is allowed, and there is no place to pass, and I am on the verge of being late....I need Thee in that hour.

And when, in the course of the day frustrations come, and disappointments, and roadblocks, and difficulties, and impediments....I need Thee in every single one of those hours.

In the hour when I am choosing a line to check out at the grocery store, and I choose the slow one....AGAIN!, and I am tempted to grump at the check-out person for being so slow, and sigh and complain, and let everyone know how irritating this is.....I need Thee in that hour.

Later, in the hour when I have to choose between the really choice retort that is ready to leap off my tongue and the gentle answer that the Spirit is prompting me to give....I need Thee in that hour.

And finally, in the hour I am readying for bed, and I look back on my day and wonder if I have done ANYTHING of eternal value, and regret my bad choices, and feel despair and condemnation creeping into my heart....I need Thee in that hour.

I need Thee EVERY hour.
Every hour I described, and every hour inbetween.

I need Thee, oh I need Thee.
Every hour I need Thee.
Oh bless me now my Savior,
I come to Thee.


What hour do you most need the Lord?
Describe it in the comment box.
Aren't you glad He is there for us when we need Him most?

I Don't Know Anything

"The Thinker" by Rodin

I remember being young and confident and self-assured and certain that my generation could change the world.

I remember being convinced that justice would win out in the end and that making the right choices would be rewarded and that honesty would triumph.

I remember believing that good actions would be acknowledged and that teaching children the right thing when they were young would guarantee their success and that eating well, juicing, and not being immunized would keep us from getting sick.

I used to know a lot more than I do now.

Now? Now, I don' know anything.

I have watched young people who have been taught about covenant marriage their whole life, who have avoided the dating trap, who have had lovely, God-glorifying weddings, and who have in a very short time abandoned their spouse, their families, and their God.

I have seen men take their family to church, homeschool their children, and tell others about the Lord and who have then abandoned their wives and children for a younger woman.

I have observed Christians double-deal in business and been successful while men who have stood by principles and dealt honestly but have lost everything.

There are so many things I don't understand!
There are so many things I don't know.
In fact, I. Don't. Know. Anything.

Except this:

"I know that the Lord is great, 

and that our Lord is above all gods."

Ps. 135:5

And this:

"...one thing I do know, that, 

whereas I was blind, now I see."

John 9:25

I also know this:

"I know that my Redeemer lives, 

and at the last He will take His stand on the earth."

Job 19:25

Additionally, there is this:

"I know whom I have believed and I am convinced

that He is able to guard what I have entrusted

to Him until that day."

II Tim. 1:12

So maybe I know something after all.

Maybe in the end, what has really happened is that all the temporary, fleshy bits of non-eternal, which is where I had expected to see the results, were just the moanings and groanings of a world gone terribly wrong.

But it was never about the results.

It was never about what I could see with my temporal eyes.

My confidence should never have been in anything but God.

And from now on, this is my pledge:

I am determined to know nothing among you

except Jesus Christ, and Him crucified."

I Cor. 2:2

It's The Obedience, Stupid

Back when Bill Clinton was running for president, James Carville coined the phrase for the emphasis of the campaign, "It's the economy, stupid." Because, apparently, at the end of the day most people vote for their pocket book above every other consideration.

So what is my trump card?
What is the deciding factor for me to decide what to do, which to choose, why to move, or where to go?

For years I have fought a tendency to evaluate my life and my choices by the results. If things don't look or feel that great, it must be that I am doing something wrong. And if things are going well, that must mean I am doing something right.

Really? Do I believe that really?

The answer is no, I don't. There are too many Biblical and historical examples of making the right choice that leads to a bad result.

Abraham obeys God, leaves his home in faith, and wanders, waiting for the fulfillment of the promise, but doesn't see it for 60 years.
David was chosen by God to be king but then hunted relentlessly by Saul for 13 years.
Daniel lives faithfully yet is taken captive, forced to live in a pagan culture, and eventually thrown in the lions den.
Noah, following God's blueprint, builds a huge boat, far from water, to prepare for a cataclysmic storm when there is not a cloud in the sky. And is ridiculed by his neighbors for decades.

It was not about the results for any of them.
It was never about the results.

It was the obedience.
It was the faith to believe God in spite of the logical realities.
It was the hope in the ultimate, eternal reality in spite of the present conditions.
It was the trust in the Ruler of life in spite of set backs, defeats, and disappointments.

It was the obedience.

"Certainly, obedience is better than sacrifice; 

paying attention is better than the fat of rams."

I Sam 15:22

Fully Live Where I Am- NOW!

December 31st.
New Years Eve.
One year ending.
Another year beginning.

And besides the end of the holidays, and one more food extravaganza, and staying up to midnight, this day means one more thing.

The dreaded New Year's Resolutions. Sigh.

Something about me is feeling very resistant this year to making big resolutions. And it is something bigger than the fact that resolutions rarely work for longer than a month.

Something in the back of my mind has been nagging at me for some time about all the "Live your dream" quotes on Pinterest. Something has gnawed at my mind and heart about an in-congruency between these quotes and a life of faith.

But what is it?

I have a life, right now.
And a family. And a paycheck. And a home. And jobs (both in the home and out of the home.)
I have obligations, and duties, and requirements.
(And those words don't have the same flowery quotes as the word "dream" does.)

So here is my question that sums up my struggle with this year's resolutions:
Do I want to be so busy pursuing dreams, and ambitions, and goals, and resolutions that I miss out on the people and the time that I have right now?

This is my only chance to mother my children at the various stages they are all in right now.
This is my only opportunity to pursue a passionate marriage in it's 29th year.
This is my only shot at being a faithful and loving daughter, friend, sister, and colleague.
This is my only turn at contentedly believing that God is enough and living that out day by day.

God has given me this "right now" life with it's exact complications, limitations, and opportunities. It is not a mistake. It is not a mess-up.
This is where I am.
This is where I am supposed to be.
This is how much I have.
And how much I have is exactly enough.

I have dreams and I have goals. I would like to do some new things in this new year.
BUT- my biggest goal is to FULLY LIVE WHERE I AM- NOW!

What is your dream? What is you goal for 2013?
Let me just say I hope that you make progress toward it.
But in the journey toward that dream don't forget, God has you exactly where He wants you right now.

I won't miss out on my "right now" and the people that God has entrusted me to minister to "right now" in pursuit of something that may never exist.

So Happy New Year, 2013!
A year where I am committed to live fully where I am....right now!

Mary and Impossibilities!

Here is a repost, from last Christmas. With the busyness of this year, I have not had time to write. But I am still as amazed at Mary and her obedience as ever.  Merry Christmas!

With the coming of Christmas trees, and the appearance of nativities, and the singing of carols, it has been natural that I have Christmas on the mind.  The fact that the holiday is just a few days away and I am not done with my shopping, has also put it on my mind!

I diligently make the effort each year, however, to concentrate on the WHOM of Christmas and not the what.  But really, this year, the one who has been on my mind the most is not the One. But the One's mother.

I have been thinking about Mary.

I have been picturing the innocent, young girl who was on the precipice of her life: she was betrothed and would soon begin her own home and her own family....just like everyone else did. Just like she was supposed to.

But then God came and told her that what was impossible was exactly what was going to happen. And when it did, it would turn her whole world upside down.

The Faith of a Mom
I think I have been thinking about Mary in a little different light than ever before.

I have been considering what I can learn from her as a Mom.

I have never been faced with the kind of impossibility that Mary was, but as a Mom I am called to some impossible things as well.

Like when I am called to:

• patience when I am intensely frustrated
• faith when circumstances seem disastrous 
• silence when I have the perfect thing to say
• prayer when I what I really want to do is "fix" everything
• long-suffering when I am hurt or wronged, or even worse when one of my children is hurt or wronged
• trust that God loves and cares for my children ENOUGH to take care of them, even when I can't or shouldn't
• hope....no matter what anything looks like, no matter what my children are doing or not doing, no matter how things seem to be developing,.....a hope that is in God and not in myself nor any other human

Mothering is Impossible

I don't think I understood that mothering, like God calls me to mother, is actually impossible.  At least without Him.  It is the most impossible thing in the world. For everybody.

Because it involves pouring your life and heart into people that you love more than any other thing with a heartbeat (except, hopefully, the one who made those children with you!). And you love them and train them and clean them and scold them and feed them and tickle them and read to them and pray for them and lead them to the feet of their Savior. And all without any guarantees on the return of your investment.  But that is not the impossible part.

The impossible part is that they are individual, willful, cognizant humans who choose, in the end, what to do, what to believe, how to behave, who to marry, what to retain, what to throw away, and who will, someday, stand alone before their God. And you no longer, at that time, can stand in the gap for them.

Mothering is a lot like taking your heart out of your body, laying it on the table, and inviting your family to take all they need.

Now, don't get me wrong, I think mothering is one of the greatest and most fulfilling callings that exist. It is the reason I am most glad that I am female. But having said that, I can also say.....

.....it is impossible.

And so the angel speaks:

Most likely Mary was feeling like what the angel told her was impossible. And she would have been right. For her to bring forth a child when she had never known a man WAS impossible.

But the angel speaks:

"And behold, even your relative Elizabeth has also conceived a son in her old age (another impossible thing, by the way); and she who was called barren is now in her sixth month.  For NOTHING WILL BE IMPOSSIBLE WITH GOD."  ~ Luke 1:36,37

So the impossible happens.  With God.
Life can be conceived.
Barrenness can be defeated.
The Word can enter the world.
The Sacred can be made flesh.
The Holy can interface with the sinful.

And Love can overcome all that is impossible.

Mary's Response
Mary's reply to the angel, in Luke 2:38, is one of my favorite in all of Scripture:

"Behold, the bondslave of the Lord; be it done to me according to your word."

That is the response I want to have: to whatever God tells me to do, or to whatever God allots or allows in my life, or whatever impossible thing that God calls me to in the life.

WHATEVER LORD! That is why I named the blog Whatever Lord!

Because whatever it is, no matter HOW impossible, I want to say:  be it done to me according to your word.




So for Christmas this year, I want to concentrate not on the packages, bows, menus, cards, parties, ....and on and on and on. Instead I want to LEARN from Christmas and the young girl who laid down her life to God's will.

Yes, Mothering is impossible...without Jesus. And so is most everything else that matters.

And that is why this year I want to concentrate on Emmanuel: God with us!
With us in the impossible.
With us in our parenting.
With us in our marriages.
With us in our jobs.
With us, with us, with us.


What seems impossible to you this Christmas?
Remember, because of the Impossible that occurred in Mary, and was born in a manger, God is with you in the midst of your impossible.

To be Thankful.....Remember!!

It is almost Thanksgiving!
My FAVORITE holiday!!!!
No presents. Lots of family. And the best food EVER!

And I love the story of the Pilgrims: people who were brave enough to leave everything they knew, everything that was safe, and everything that was secure, in order to follow God and serve Him according to their convictions.

But possibly my favorite thing about my favorite-est of holidays is the emphasis: thankfulness.

Because if we don't REMEMBER to be thankful people, we quickly devolve into becoming complainers, and comparers, and unsatisfied, unhappy wanters of something more.

Which must be why God repeatedly tells us so often to REMEMBER:
-God tells the Israelites, as they wander through the dessert and begin to complain, to remember how God did miraculous things for them with Pharaoh. (Ps. 106:7)
-He set up the rainbow as a constant visual reminder of His faithfulness. (Gen 9:16)
-God calls us to remember that His promises are generational and eternal (I Ch 16:15)
And those are just a few examples.

The Word REMINDS us:
-Recall the miraculous deeds He performed, His mighty acts and the judgments He decreed.            (Ps 105:5)

We HAVE to be reminded to remember. Because we so easily forget.
We forget what all God has done to us already. We forget how He has protected. We forget how He has provided. We forget how He has led. We forget how He has loved.

And if we forget.....we can NEVER be thankful! For it is in the remembering and recalling and recognizing and reminiscing and recollecting that we can begin to scratch the surface of the magnitude of all that God has done for us. And once that magnitude dawns upon us, we have no choice but to sing forth the praises to the One Who deserves that praise more than anything.

So take a minute and REMEMBER.
Remember that God is good and that His love endures for generations. (s 136:1,2)
Remember that He has engraved you in the palm of His hand. (Is 49:14,16)
Remember that He has protected you from your enemies. (Ps 121:7)
Remember that He will never leave you nor forsake you. (Deut. 31:6)

Remember. And then BE THANKFUL! Give Thanks! Over and over again.

I will remember the works of the Lord. Yes, I will remember the amazing things you did long ago!

Ps. 77:11

Are You a Veteran?

Veteran's Day- November 11th.

Along with Christmas, July the 4th, and New Years, it is one of the few holidays that is always on the same date. No matter what day of the week it falls on, it is always the 11th...not on the Monday that is closest so that we can all have a three day weekend.

Why is it on Nov. 11th?
To commemorate the:
11th hour of the
11th day of the
11th month.....

The time and date of the end of World War I....."the war to end all wars."

That war lasted for over 4 years, wounded 19.7 million soldiers, and killed 9.7 million men from all over the world.

The devastating effects of this destructive war are almost unimaginable as new technology exploded into a increased ability for man to kill and maim each other with greater force.

So Veteran's Day, November 11th, marks the end of the "war to end all wars"- which is a war that did not end anything- it began a century of warfare.

But we mark the day, not for the end of war, but for the incredible bravery in the face of fear that every soldier exhibits as they fight for their country. In the United States we mark this day because we realize that as awful and horrific as war was and is, if it weren't for the actions of our brave soldiers through two centuries, we would not have the freedoms that we still have left to enjoy.

In church yesterday there was a moment when all the veterans stood up- the men and women who have served, who were available for battle, or who participated in battle.

I felt appreciation as my husband and many others who have served stood up.

But being in church, the thought struck me, aren't all Believers soldiers?
However, no matter how old or tired or wounded we are, we are never Veterans, because there is no retiring in God's army.
-Our war has never ended either.
-Technology has also magnified and multiplied the ability of the enemy to wage war (and has done the same for our ability to wage war if we use it wisely.)
-Many in the church are constantly seeking to make peace with the enemy, desiring to never have war again. But the battle rages on.
-We have only one choice- engage in the battle or hide from it.

Will you hide from the battle?
Or will you engage?
Because we have an enemy. He is not political. He is not human. But he is behind every scheme that puts God down and every attempt to shut the church of Jesus out of the process.

For us, the soldiers of the Lord, we will have a Veteran's Day someday. But we won't celebrate it until we are in Eternity.

Until then? Read Psalm 18: 29-50.
Be encouraged.
Pick up your weapon.
And occupy until He comes.

Psalm 18:29-50
With your help I can advance against a troop; with my God I can scale a wall.
As for God, his way is perfect: The Lord’s word is flawless; he shields all who take refuge in him.
For who is God besides the Lord? And who is the Rock except our God?
It is God who arms me with strength and keeps my way secure.
He makes my feet like the feet of a deer; he causes me to stand on the heights.
He trains my hands for battle; my arms can bend a bow of bronze.
You make your saving help my shield, and your right hand sustains me; your help has made me great.
You provide a broad path for my feet, so that my ankles do not give way.
I pursued my enemies and overtook them; I did not turn back till they were destroyed.
I crushed them so that they could not rise; they fell beneath my feet.
You armed me with strength for battle; you humbled my adversaries before me.
You made my enemies turn their backs in flight, and I destroyed my foes.
They cried for help, but there was no one to save them — to the Lord, but he did not answer.
I beat them as fine as windblown dust; I trampled them like mud in the streets.
You have delivered me from the attacks of the people; you have made me the head of nations. People I did not know now serve me, foreigners cower before me; as soon as they hear of me, they obey me.
They all lose heart; they come trembling from their strongholds.
The Lord lives! Praise be to my Rock! Exalted be God my Savior!
He is the God who avenges me, who subdues nations under me,
who saves me from my enemies. You exalted me above my foes; from a violent man you rescued me.
Therefore I will praise you, Lord, among the nations; I will sing the praises of your name.
He gives his king great victories; he shows unfailing love to his anointed, to David and to his descendants forever.

Riding Out the Storm~ Part Three.

The storms of life.
They come to everyone.
No one is immune.

The question is not IF they will come, the question is, what will you do WHEN they come.

In the lives of the disciples there was the storm when Jesus was with them in the boat and then there was the storm when Jesus walked out to His disciples. But in both storms, Jesus directed His disciples directly into their paths. Not only did He allow the storm, but seemingly He guided them INTO the storm.

Psalm 107:23-32 is about this exact thing.
But we will start with verse 1:

Oh give thanks to the Lord, for He! Is! Good!

In a Psalm that is about to account for some of the worst difficulties in our lives, the psalmist begins with God! Is! Good! And then he goes on to say, "For His lovingkindness is everlasting."

That is the foundation: God is good and His love for us NEVER runs out!

Now let's look at the storm part of Ps 107:

~vs. 23-25a: Those who go down to the sea in ships, who do business on great waters; They have seen the works of the Lord, and His wonders in the deep. For He spoke and raised up a stormy wind.

• Yes, God is the One Who raises the storm.

~vs. 25b-27: which lifted up the waves of the sea. They rose up to the heavens, they went down to the depths; their souls melted away in their misery. They reeled and staggered like a drunken man, and were at their wits' end.

• Storms are terrible, wrenching experiences for everyone who experiences them. And one of the worst aspects is that they are totally uncontrollable by man. All anyone can do is hunker down and ride it out!

~vs. 28a: Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble.

• Storms leave us no other alternative. Our only hope for survival is to turn to God and cry out to Him.

~ vs. 28b-29: And He brought them out of their distresses. He caused the storm to be still, so that the waves of the sea were hushed.

• God is the only One Who can cause the storms to be still and the waves to be quiet.
• Luke 8:24- ...He rebuked the wind and the surging waves, and they stopped and it became still.
• Ps. 66:7- (God) does still the roaring of the seas, the roaring of their waves, and the tumult of the peoples.
• Ps. 89:9- Thou does rule the swelling of the sea; when its waves rise, Thou does still them.

~ vs. 30: Then they were glad because they were quiet; so He guided them to their desired haven.

• He is the One, and the Only One, Who can quiet the storm, Who can bring us joy, and Who can guide us to the exact spot He wanted us to be all along!

~ vs. 31-32: Let them give thanks to the Lord for His lovingkindness, and for His wonders to the sons of men! Let them extol Him also in the congregation of the people, and praise Him at the seat of the elders.

• And our response is to PRAISE Him, to give thanks, to recognize His hand, and tell others of His great work!

Storms are not the only difficulty that Psalm 107 speaks of God working in and through.

• vs 2- He saves His people from the enemy
• vs 7- He leads His people to shelter and sustenance
• vs 13- He rescues His people from distress
• vs 14- He heals His people from illness.

His mighty hand is working constantly in our lives.
But just think about it: WE WOULD HAVE NEVER SEEN HIS MIGHTY HAND if it were not for the storm (or the enemy, or the want, or the distress, or the illness.)

Remember verse 1: God! Is! Good!
All the time.

When times are bad- God! Is! Good!
When money is short- God! Is! Good!
When sickness surrounds- God! Is! Good!
When the enemy attacks- God! Is! Good!

And when the storm clouds gather on the horizon and the waves begin to pitch and roll and the footing is unsecure and there is nothing you can do but hang on and cry out to the Lord.....
                         .....yes, ESPECIALLY THEN, God! Is! God!!!!!  
                                                                                  And His lovingkindness is everlasting!

Riding Out the Storm~ Part Two

There is an African proverb that states, "A calm sea does not make a skillful sailor."

Could that be one facet to why Jesus allows storms in our lives?  Or why sometimes He directs us directly into the heart of them?

Last time I looked at Jesus and His act of sending us STRAIGHT into storms. He didn't do that to His disciples just once. He did it twice.

The first time He was sleeping in the bottom of the boat.
Bad news- He was asleep.
Good news- He was with them!

But the next time, in Matthew 14, Jesus stays on shore and sends His disciples on ahead.
Across the sea.
Straight into the storm.
Bad news- There is a storm.
More bad news- Jesus is NOT in the bottom of the boat- asleep or otherwise.

But hold the presses. There is a back story to this story.

Immediately before this jaunty cruise occurred was the miracle of the feeding of the 5000. Jesus had just taken 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish and had FED 5000 PEOPLE!

And the disciples were right in the middle of that one. They were the ones who had worried about the insurmountable problem of there not being food for the people in the first place. (Mark 6:35-36) Their solution was to send the people away.

Jesus' solution was to give them something to eat.

Disciples + 5 loaves + 2 fish = IMPOSSIBLE
Jesus + 5 loaves + 2 fish = LEFTOVERS!

But once the collection of the leftovers had been taken care of, Matthew 14:22 says, "Jesus immediately made the disciples get into the boat."

And that is how the disciples got in this storm.

Once again the disciples are in a boat and the winds howl, the waves rise, and the boat begins to get swamped.

It was the second "impossible" situation in the same day! Would the disciples remember their lesson? (Let me give you a hint- NO! They would not!)

Jesus, imposing a third impossible element into the day, and once again showing that He is master of creation and it's laws, not the other way around, WALKS ON WATER! Amazing.

Peter decides (possibly emboldened by the previous events of the day?) to walk out to Jesus. He asks Jesus to call him out of the boat. Pete does okay for a moment...that is until he takes a look at the waves up close and personal, gets scared, and starts to sink.

Peter grew afraid. Jesus reprimanded his lack of faith.
Maybe fear is just lack of faith?

But Jesus saves him and gets him back to the boat. Only then does the storm cease.

Oh, there are SO many lessons here. But I will try and contain myself to the ones that have to do with "riding out the storms" in our lives:

• Sometimes, like Peter, I might get emboldened to ask Jesus to command me to do something that is “impossible.” But when I get right in the middle of the thing it is MUCH harder than I expected. At that moment will I have fear or faith?
• I must NEVER take my eyes off Jesus. My circumstances will always be frightening and could also be IMPOSSIBLE.  It is only by looking Straight. Into. The. Eyes. Of. Jesus.... That is how the impossible becomes possible.
• Like Peter, I need to take a leap of faith in the midst of the storms. Unlike Peter, I need to keep my eyes and faith on Jesus. 
• It is in the heart of my storms that my most important lessons are learned and my most intimate encounters with my Savior will occur!

What looks impossible to you right now?
What wind is blowing unrelentingly against you?
What wave threatens to over take you?

Look straight into Jesus' eyes. Nothing is impossible with Him!