So the clouds were gathering this morning- foggy, stormy, raining.
Uh, no, not outside. Outside was gloriously beautiful with the blue sky that seems to have its own special hue down here in Texas.
No, the storm was in my heart. I hurt my back somehow yesterday. I must be getting really old and broken down, because I am not really sure what even happened. I mean if I had been lifting a big box, or moving furniture, or one of those other kind of "heavy" things I tend to do myself instead of asking for help...well if it had been one of those things I could just chalk it up to my over doing it. But I can't even think of what to blame this on. Certainly it couldn't be that I don't exercise enough- you know, core strength and all.
But back to this morning- my storm clouds gathering and spilling over to run down my cheeks. I was laying on the bed, still in pajamas, flat on my back with pillows propped under my legs to take the pressure off my back. I mean, this is the day before Thanksgiving, the day to bake, and pack, and play Christmas music two days early. I was in the midst of a swelling pity party with self condemnation being the main guest when a Word broke in,
"Be still my daughter, I love you so much and you are beautiful to Me."
"How can you think I am beautiful? I am a mess and I need to vacuum and the dust bunnies under my dressers are about to be dust lions. I am not ready for this trip. Why can I never seem to get around to all there is to do? How can You love me and how can You think I am beautiful? And by the way Lord, is this really You, because I don't want to listen to myself right now!"
And then His word repeated in my soul, "Be still my daughter, I love you so much and you are beautiful to Me."
I knew it must be my Lord because I could feel the beginnings of the Light streaming around the edges of my clouds. I began to feel the wash of His love and acceptance and began to accept where He had me this morning- flat on my back, still enough to hear His sweet voice. I love that He repeated the same words to me. There was no need of explanations, of reasons why this occurred today, of a plan of action. Just reassurance and His precious love.
Why does He love me? Because it is His nature.
Why does He think I am beautiful? Because He created me.
He created me to need Him. And this Thanksgiving I think that is the thing I am thankful for the most.