It is STILL Not MY Time!

The coats were on.

The car was loaded.

Departure time was T-3 minutes.

If we hurried we wouldn’t be late.

IF we hurried. IF…

But if we DIDN’T hurry. Then we would NOT be on time. 

And Not Be On Time = Late!

I don’t like late.

And I have trained my girls to not like late.

So one sister told the other sister, “RUN and turn off the lights. Be careful- don’t trip!”

The little sister did the run part really well. But she never got to the lights to turn them off, because the “don’t trip” part.....yeah, she didn’t do that part so well.

I was rushing around the house trying to "Not Be Late" when I was brought short by The Cry. Every Mom knows THE cry. It is not the same as the, “Ouch that sort of hurts and annoys me” cry. No. THE cry immediately notifies the Mom: “Run to your child. NOW.”

As I ran out outside, I saw my child lying on the front porch clutching her wrist. And I immediately knew that I would Most Definitely Be Late. Really late. Not that I cared about being on time any more. Because when something major happens it makes you realize how minor the minor thing is that you were majoring on.

I realized ONE MORE TIME that amazing truth: My Time Is Not My Own!

So here is a rerun blog post from when I learned this lesson last year. (I have to post a rerun because it takes lots of time to fix broken appendages!) Why do I keep learning the same lesson over and over and over? Oh well. Maybe I will REALLY learn it this time!

I brought my older girls to Abilene, TX for a Speech and Debate Tournament.

I planned it all out very carefully.  Where we would be, where the ones left at home would be, who would be caring for the little ones when my husband wasn't available...I always plan stuff out carefully.

After many years of juggling varied and numerous events, sports, classes, banquets, parties, etc., my logistical abilities surprise even me.  Give me nine people, four drivers, and eight requirements, and I can make it happen.

However all this planning  can make me feel like I am in charge, and that is rarely a good thing.  It makes me feel like it is "my" time, "my" schedule, "my" plan.

So back to Abilene.

I knew I was in trouble when I woke up Wednesday morning, the scheduled morning for departure.  I felt bad.  Really bad.  I initially wrote it off to the inundation of oak pollen that has besieged us. Our cars are covered with yellow pollen and I can only imagine what our lungs look like.  So anyway, it seemed perfectly logical that the pollen was the culprit in my feeling like a old, forgotten, wet dish rag (a perfect visual for all you Moms out there).  I, not to be one to be defeated by yellow dust, drug myself around, packed, and tried to get out the door.

I "managed" but I kept feeling worse and worse and worse.  When I had a fever Thursday morning I knew I was in trouble.  So I dropped my girls off at the Tournament and then worked on getting through my insurance hoops so I could get to a doctor.  I kept praying and praying for direction about what to do and where to go, but I have to be honest, I wasn't feeling or hearing a lot of direction from the Lord.  I didn't know why, but I just wasn't.

I will not bore you with the long version of this story.  Let's just say that there were lots of starts and stops and unsuccessful attempts and FINALLY after many hours and several bad experiences, I finally had a diagnosis and I am now on antibiotics and feeling much better.

But, and well I am ashamed to admit it, but I really pretty much complained to the Lord.  He could have helped me not get sick, or got me to the right doctor first time around, or just directed me better.  I mean didn't He know I had plans and had a job to do at the tournament and I didn't want to WASTE TIME.

Ahhh......there is the real crux of the problem.  I hate waste.  And I hate wasting my time more that all the other wastes.

But is it ever really MY time in the first place?  Or, rather, aren't I just a steward of it, just like all the other assets God allows in my life: like finances, talents, people, opportunities?

Maybe my hatred of time-wasting comes from the fact that I never feel like I have enough of it. Every time I choose to spend my time on one thing, I am choosing to not spend it on something else- or rather SOMETHINGS.  Because, there is always more than one thing I need to ignore in order to do what seems the most urgent or necessary or important at the moment.

So, back to my sickness, I wanted God to tell me where to go and what to do so that it would happen quickly and efficiently and I could get back to what I needed (or thought I needed) to do.  But God didn't do that.  Maybe He didn't direct me because He wants me to learn this lesson, this very, very hard lesson for me.

This is the lesson:  God doesn't NEED me to do anything.  He just wants me to walk through what comes my way in faith and trust and reliance on Him.  It is HIS time and HIS plan and HIS way that is important.  Not mine.

So if He allows sickness to come, I just need to walk, or maybe sleep, through it.  It is what He allowed.

It came down through His hand of grace and is for HIS purpose.

My time is not my own.

My time is His time....to use as He pleases.

HIS time.

What Am I Choosing to Do?

Margin- that empty space around the page with nothing filling it.

I have had my book so long, there is a different
cover. But since 175,000 people have bought this
book I guess I am not the only one who needs
some margin!

There is a book called Margin the uses that illustration to describe how we should live our lives with empty space in it.  That every single moment of our lives should not be filled with activity but there should be room.

I know about this book because I have owned it for about 14 years. I have never read it. But I own it. I have, however, read the back of the book and have been told about the book and have put it on my bedside table intending to read it, so I am highly qualified to discuss its merits......maybe I will read it this summer.

I was thinking about it yesterday for the very same reason that  I bought it 14 years ago. I think I need margin in my life. Maybe if I had more "margin" in my life I would have time to read the book!

Yesterday morning, as I was "running" I was thinking about how long it had been since I had written on this blog.  I had THOUGHT about writing several times, but a window of time never seemed to open up. Last week I helped out with a huge wedding- I have a blog post roaming around in my head, just waiting to get out about that one.  There are few other blog posts trying to elbow their way to the front of the line as well.

But the crux of the matter is that unless I take the time, sit down and write, these posts will always just be ideas in my head and never words on the page.

Which leads me to one of my major sayings of life:

Every time I choose to do one thing,

I am choosing to not do several others.

Rocket science, I know.

But, seriously, this saying has been very liberating to me.

I have NEVER been able to get everything done that I need to get done.  NEVER. 

That simple fact has caused a great deal of guilt and consternation in my life, because I have always had the sneaking suspicion that there are actually people who DO get it all done.

But not me. I am, after all, a two-handed, finite, bi-ped with many faults and short comings who can only get one thing at a time done...

Um, okay, who am I kidding.  What mother EVER gets one thing at a time done. I can M.U.L.T.I.T.A.S.K with the best of them. But honestly, when I get in Major Multitask Mode (or MMM for short) the people around me seem to become hindrances or obstacles.  They tend to muck up the works, don't you know. So for the safety and emotional stability of my children it is probably safest for me to limit my major moments of MMMing to a minimum.

But back to my saying- which I am not sure who to attribute it to...

Even this morning, choosing to write about....something, I am not really sure what....I am choosing to do one thing and not to do many, many others. For instance, we have company coming in today. Maybe your house is always company ready, but ours tends to need to be brought up a level or two when visitors are on the way.

In fact, when we are having trouble getting the house clean we have been known to invite people over just to force the issue!

So, right now, I am CHOOSING to sit here and write, instead of scurrying and cleaning the last few remnants of our life so that our guests have No Idea how we really live! 

Last night, I chose to read a Christian historical fiction book (a summertime indulgence) rather than trying to finish painting a coffee table I have been working on. 

And even earlier, I had chosen to go to a Bible Study (there is sooo much I want to share out of what I am learning in Daniel) instead of staying home and mopping the kitchen floor or hanging pictures in our rearranged son's/guest room (which is a nice way of saying, when the guests come in he has to move out!)

Martin the Warrior!

Yesterday, when I had no time for it At All, I chose to sit down on the sofa with my two youngest and read Mossflower with them. We love the Redwall series of books, and while I have read them out loud to my older children- with great gusto and many voices and accents of course- I had never read them to the youngest. But sometimes snuggling with your girlies and diving into the life of a warrior mouse is the very best choice of all!

This makes me thing of Jesus and His admonition to Martha after she fusses at Jesus about her sister Mary who was sitting at the feet of the Lord instead of Getting Stuff Done!

Martha, Martha,  you are worried and troubled 

about many things, but one thing is needed. 

Mary has chosen the best part; it will not be taken away from her.”

 Luke 10:41,42

So what will you choose today?  What will you choose to do and what will you choose not to do?

I am going to try to chose "the best part"- want to join me?