Bleak Midwinter

It is winter today- especially in my heart.

It is so cold outside our pipes froze.

My heart is so cold my pipes froze too- my thankfulness pipes, and my gratefulness pipes, and my joy pipes, and my eternal perspective pipes. They froze.

My dear Jesus, please thaw me. Your warmth is so needed today. Your flooding eternal reality needs to flow through me and unclog my perspective.

God-Sized Dream for 2010

This year my dream or goal is not what successful goals are supposed to be. It is not measurable or able to be broken down to bite-sized chunks. It is not exactly specific and does not lend itself to an action plan.

But it is big.

And it most definitely requires God for me to do it.

It is this: I want to abide in Christ.

That sounds like a funny goal, even to me, and I am the one who wants to do it. I think it is that I want to go past knowing what I need to do and go to the place of doing it. And I want to go beyond doing and go to the place of being. I want to be so connected to Christ that I will decrease and He will increase. And I want to do it by His power, not by my efforts in the flesh. So here is my non-specific, un-measurable, without a plan New Year's goal- or maybe it is better named plea- for 2010:

Help me abide in You, my dwelling

Help me keep my feet on You, my rock

Help me be attached to You, my vine

Help me survive on You, my bread

Help me go through You, my door

Help me rest in You, my fortress

Help me obey You, my King

Help me follow hard after You, my shepherd

Help me born anew in You, my resurrection

Help me see by You, my light

Help me not get lost from You, my way

Help me learn from You, my truth

Help me breathe with joy in You, my life.

John 15:5-8 “I am the vine; you are the branches. The one who remains in Me – and I in him – bears much fruit, because apart from Me you can accomplish nothing. If anyone does not remain in Me, he is thrown out like a branch, and dries up; and such branches are gathered up and thrown into the fire, and are burned up. If you remain in Me and My words remain in you, ask whatever you want, and it will be done for you. My Father is honored by this, that you bear much fruit and show that you are My disciples.

Take My Hand

Note: the following poem comes mostly from my reading in the Psalms.

Take My Hand

Can you walk with Me through all your doubts?

Can you believe Me when shifts the sand?

Can you trust Me as rain pours down?

Will you reach up and take My hand?

Life may not be as you expected.

There are times that your heart has broke.

But remember the times I have held you.

And remember the words I have spoke.

Can you trust me to work in your life?

To redeem everything that is done?

Can you remember before when I've saved you?

Can you recall fights that I've already won?

Can you see that I am your fortress?

I am your hope and rock where you stand.

I am your shield and your joy and your refuge.

I sustain you and hold tight to your hand.

I will never leave or forsake you.

I will be with you when trouble surrounds.

I will rescue and satisfy you.

I will plant you in the firm ground.

Can you walk with Me through all your doubts?

Can you believe Me and firmly stand?

I am all that can save and sustain you.

Will you reach up and take My hand?

So the clouds were gathering this morning- foggy, stormy, raining.

Uh, no, not outside. Outside was gloriously beautiful with the blue sky that seems to have its own special hue down here in Texas.

No, the storm was in my heart. I hurt my back somehow yesterday. I must be getting really old and broken down, because I am not really sure what even happened. I mean if I had been lifting a big box, or moving furniture, or one of those other kind of "heavy" things I tend to do myself instead of asking for help...well if it had been one of those things I could just chalk it up to my over doing it. But I can't even think of what to blame this on. Certainly it couldn't be that I don't exercise enough- you know, core strength and all.

But back to this morning- my storm clouds gathering and spilling over to run down my cheeks. I was laying on the bed, still in pajamas, flat on my back with pillows propped under my legs to take the pressure off my back. I mean, this is the day before Thanksgiving, the day to bake, and pack, and play Christmas music two days early. I was in the midst of a swelling pity party with self condemnation being the main guest when a Word broke in,

"Be still my daughter, I love you so much and you are beautiful to Me."

"How can you think I am beautiful? I am a mess and I need to vacuum and the dust bunnies under my dressers are about to be dust lions. I am not ready for this trip. Why can I never seem to get around to all there is to do? How can You love me and how can You think I am beautiful? And by the way Lord, is this really You, because I don't want to listen to myself right now!"

And then His word repeated in my soul, "Be still my daughter, I love you so much and you are beautiful to Me."

I knew it must be my Lord because I could feel the beginnings of the Light streaming around the edges of my clouds. I began to feel the wash of His love and acceptance and began to accept where He had me this morning- flat on my back, still enough to hear His sweet voice. I love that He repeated the same words to me. There was no need of explanations, of reasons why this occurred today, of a plan of action. Just reassurance and His precious love.

Why does He love me? Because it is His nature.

Why does He think I am beautiful? Because He created me.

He created me to need Him. And this Thanksgiving I think that is the thing I am thankful for the most.