Take My Hand

One of the most fearful moments for a Mom is to be in a crowded place and to realize you cannot find your small child. They are so small and they can't be seen amongst all the people.

So what does a Mom do then? You throw all pride and dignity to the wind and search frantically, call loudly, and interrogate anyone and everyone until you locate your missing child. Oh the joy indescribable when that missing lamb is discovered.

After hugging hard, and scolding gently or vehemently (in direct proportion to how long you searched for him) you take him or her firmly by the hand to walk back through the crowd together. You can see easily which way to go as you lead your newly rescued child because you are an adult. And even if you are a height-challenged adult, like me, you can usually find your way through the crowd.

But think about this from the young child's perspective.

What do they see?

A forest of legs, one indistinguishable from the other except for the type of pants and the length and the width of those pants. It must be a very bewildering sight from their eye level. Maybe that is how they got lost in the first place. They thought they were following the right pair of jeans, but when they looked all the way up to the face....it was the wrong face.

I can completely identify with those little ones.

Life can be filled with lots of pairs of "legs".

There can be money problems or relationship problems. There can be medical issues or car issues or issue issues. There can be job complications or school complications or parenting complications.

As I stand and try to find my Father in such a crowd it is easy for me to get lost. Maybe I thought I was following the right pair of legs, but when I looked up...it was the wrong face.

What do I do now? Sit down and cry?

If I were to fly away on the wings of the dawn,

and settle on the other side of the sea,

even there Your hand would guide me,

Your right hand would grab hold of me.

Ps. 139:9,10

Oh, that's right I am not out of my Father's sight. He has thrown off all His Dignity and come to earth as a baby and a Saviour. He will find me. He will take me by the hand. He will guide me.

And while I still cannot not make my way through that "forest of legs" on my own, I can rest my hand in the Hand of the One Who can see the way.

Guide me into Your truth and teach me.

For You are the God who delivers me;

on You I rely all day long.

Ps 25:5

Life is Messy

I love neat, and organized, and color coordinated, and plastic containers, and labels.

I love for everything to have a place and to be in that place.

I love to open the drawer and have the scissors right where they belong. I love for my file cabinets to have neat, alphabetical files with everything in them, preferably in chronological order.

I love to have a schedule to my day, my week, and my year.

And this is just how things are.....on the planet of "How Things Should Be".

But not in my house.

I can always envision it, and draw up lists to get there, and plan on days to accomplish it, but it just doesn't happen at my address.

It is sort of like when I sing. I love harmonies. I hear them in my head. But somewhere between my brain and my vocal cords the note changes or gets translated or altered or something... because when it comes out, it is not harmony...it is usually the opposite. When I actually hit a good alto harmonious note it just gives me a thrill and sends shivers down my spine. And when I stand next to someone who sings perfect harmonies it both blesses me ... and condemns me. Why can't I do that, I wonder?

It is the same feeling I have when I walk into someone's home which actually looks like they live on the planet of "How Things Should Be". It gives me a thrill just to look around and see that it is possible and it condemns me as I ask myself, why can't I do this?

2 Corinthians warns us in 10:12: ...but when they measure themselves by themselves, and compare themselves with themselves, they are without understanding.

This Scripture actually refers to boasting and feeling pride as we compare ourselves. I personally don't deal with the temptation to boast all that often. I am pretty sure that almost everybody else has figured this thing out better than I have. I am, through being so aware of my weaknesses and failings, so incredibly grateful of the grace and mercy of God, because otherwise I would be sunk.

My comparing however brings about other sins, and they are ones I see in many women. Discouragement. Dissatisfaction. Regret. Self-condemnation. Weariness.

And in reality, ingratitude. So, while I am grateful for His grace and mercy, I am not grateful for what He has allotted to me.

My looking at other's strengths and letting them magnify my weaknesses, makes me ungrateful for how and what God has created and given to me. I am an idea person who starts projects before the last one is finished. I hate waste and therefore don't want to get rid of things that might be needed later. I am a Mom of a large family of varied and talented kids that are involved in projects and activities that require stuff and driving and traveling and equipment. I am a wife to a man with qualities and talents that have brought opportunities and requirements into our lives that necessitate me to stretch. I am a homeschooler who has a school library, computer lab, and various and a sundry other supplies to corral.

In short, my life and my abilities, and my weaknesses do not fit in a closet filled with Rubbermaid that has been attacked by a label maker.

This weekend I had a lesson in the fact that life is messy. We were staying with sweet family who put us up while we went to a Speech tournament. Their house looks perfectly clean- smooth counters, no piles, no dust.

And when we would come home at night between 9 and 10 they would already be asleep, with their house in order.

I on the other hand had made a mad dash out of my house (leaving it a mess), on very little sleep, trying to get everything ready for what I was leaving behind and where I was going. We had been going to bed late and getting up early.

At least twice during the weekend, when I thought I was feeling great and even smiling, someone would ask me, "Are you all right? You looked so tired!"

Great.

I didn't think I looked bad, and I looked bad.

What do I look like when I know I look bad?

I was already feeling the condemnation rolling over me as I left their neat, well-rested house this morning....late by the way....to rush off to our next activity, when life got even messier. Some minor mess ups, some accidents, some irritations, some miscommunications.

No reason to go into specifics.

Suffice it to say, life is messy.

Life is messy.

And I was discouraged.

Alright, I am still a little discouraged. But that is why I felt the need to write about this. Because I don't think I am supposed to be.

I don't think I am supposed to let the weight of the world rest on my shoulders, but rather let the One who placed the world on its foundations carry the weight.

I don't think I am supposed to be overcome, but rather rest in the arms of the Overcomer.

And I don't think I am supposed to be surprised that life is messy!

So if it is a fact that my life is messy, what will my response be?

• Will I sit back in my condemnation chair, singing "Nobody Knows the Troubles I've Seen"?
• Will I give up and become bitter and angry?
• Will I decide it is just not worth it and live for myself alone?

no. No. NO.

2 Corinthians goes on to say in 10:13: But we will not boast beyond our measure, but within the measure of the sphere which God apportioned (assigned is another translation) to us as a measure to reach...

If the God of the Universe has assigned me a messy, non-containable, unorganizable, full to overflowing life, then I had better stay within the "measure of the sphere He apportioned" and quit looking at other spheres to determine how I am doing. And I had better stop looking at the sphere of the planet of "How Things Should Be."

And I had better start praising Him and start being grateful for all He has given me.

Praise God for these messy days. These messy, accident prone, question provoking days. These days that keep me leaning on the Everlasting Arms.

These days, that confirm in my heart, that even if I wanted to boast, I have nothing to boast in.

2 Corinthians 10:17: He who boasts, let him boast in the Lord.

Lessons From A Mouse

I came to Narnia late in life. I remember hearing about the books from a few people in school, but I had never read them. After I got married, I stumbled across a boxed set of "The Chronicles of Narnia" and decided to buy them on a whim. And then I stated reading them. And then I was hooked.

For a week, Nathan would come home from work and find me on the couch, buried in a book, uncommunicative, and even unaware of his presence.

Not exactly a lot of fun for a newlywed husband!

But I couldn't help it! I was IN Narnia. I dove right in---like diving into the pools in "The Magician's Nephew", and didn't come up for air until after the climax of "The Last Battle."

I fell in love with Narnia.

And then I read them outloud to my kids.

And then we listened to the Radio Theater version---multiple times.

And we watched the movies. Oh, no, not the current movies, but the old BBC ones where Aslan can barely move and looks suspiciously like a puppet. Now we make fun of them, but back then we loved them.

When we heard they were making new movies, we were excited, but concerned. There is such richness in the allegory, and Hollywood is not exactly a bastion of protection for Christian allegory!

But actually, I have enjoyed the new movies- as long as I ignore my purest tendencies that argue with both the subtle and the glaring deviations from C.S. Lewis's masterpieces.

Last night I finally went to "Voyage of the Dawn Treader". And aside from moving the plot around, and the goofy serpent at the end, I really loved it. Oh, and I had issues with their interpretation of changing Eustace back to a boy- one of my very favorite scenes from the books. They missed the point- but since that is not the point of this post I will save that evaluation for another time!

But Reepicheep.

Oh Reep! I love Reepicheep. He is magnificent. He is heroic because of his heart and his complete devotion to Aslan. For him, the facts that he is small and well, a mouse, are somehow transformed into advantages.

Now the movie changes things around a bit. In the book he is just completely and unswervingly committed to going on to Aslan's country, no matter what. In the movie they tried to encapsulate that attitude in a speech at the end. Someday I am going to find the exact script, but for now I have to rely on my memory. He states that he fought every battle and never shrunk back from what was before him. But the greatest desire of his heart is to go forward into Aslan's country. Where else could one want to be anyway?

I got teary eyed as that little rodent made his speech.

I think it is because I want to live that way. Live all out for the Lord, all the time. Embracing adventures. Fighting battles. Standing up for right and honor and justice.

Now my battles look slightly different from Reep's. Mine involve, but are not limited to, managing the development of young and old hearts and minds, creatively managing finances and needs that never seem to be at the same level, forging a marriage in a world that mocks marriage, rejecting the desire for bitterness or anger at wrongs committed against my family, trying to squeeze an extra hour out of that "only 24-hour" day.

I have the battles alright. But I want to take a lesson from that mouse.

Don't hold back.

Have no fear.

Stare the beast in the eye and charge.

And then when the opportunity comes to enter Aslan's country, there are no regrets to hold you back. All that has happened before is just the preface to the story after all.

Oh, that I would live like that mouse.

Period. Exclamation point.

2011

Well, it is that time of year again.

Time for a New Year- and New Year's Resolutions.

I am a little wary of New Year's Resolutions, because frankly I am pretty much a failure at them. At least the ones that take more that 3 weeks to accomplish.

But I started thinking about last year. Last year I put my goal up on this blog and this was it:

It is this: I want to abide in Christ.
That sounds like a funny goal, even to me, and I am the one who wants to do it. I think it is that I want to go past knowing what I need to do and go to the place of doing it. And I want to go beyond doing and go to the place of being. I want to be so connected to Christ that I will decrease and He will increase. And I want to do it by His power, not by my efforts in the flesh.

Funny, but now, looking back on last year, and all that it entailed, and all the heartaches, and all the disappointments, and all the.....well, you get the picture...but looking back on all that and reading what I wrote when I thought everything was going so well, I think God was providing me with the mindset I needed and the heartset I required in order to walk through the fires He was lovingly allowing.

And all of the, um, well, let's just call it "stuff" (at home I call it "carp" because a bunch of old dead fish smell very bad, and bring flies, and generally are something you don't want around. But I didn't want to put that because you might accidentally switch the letters around in your head and it would say something I didn't mean!). But back to the stuff. All that stuff has made me so clearly aware of what I want.

I want Jesus.

I want all of Jesus.

I want to serve Him. To love Him. To reflect Him. To proclaim Him. To value Him.

Because, in the end, He is all that matters.

Because, in the end, everything else will pass away.

And the "stuff" has also made me aware of what I don't want.

I don't want lies. And I don't want false. I don't want the fake and the phony. I don't want to settle. I don't want the world.

So after having been through 2010, I approach 2011 with a little bit of trepidation. And yet with hope.

And I approach my "resolution" with trepidation as well. But having said that:

I want this to be the Year of Now.

Now is the year to give. Now is the year to invest. Now is the year to write. Now is the year to teach.

Now is the year of Whatever Lord. Whatever. For You Lord, whatever.

And here is my desire from one year ago. And it is still my desire.

So here is my non-specific, un-measurable, without a plan New Year's goal- or maybe it is better named plea- for 2010: (and now I add 2011)

Help me abide in You, my dwelling

Help me keep my feet on You, my rock

Help me be attached to You, my vine

Help me survive on You, my bread

Help me go through You, my door

Help me rest in You, my fortress

Help me obey You, my King

Help me follow hard after You, my shepherd

Help me born anew in You, my resurrection

Help me see by You, my light

Help me not get lost from You, my way

Help me learn from You, my truth

Help me breathe with joy in You, my life