Finding The Way Out

I love hummingbirds.

I love how small, yet powerful, they are.
They are fast.
They fly backwards.
They stop in midair.
They are as close to perpetual motion as I have ever seen.

They also remind me of Colorado, which to me means VACATION!

I just got back from vacation, and being on vacation would be one of the reasons I haven't written anything for two months. Only one of the reasons- but a happy reason, so let's stick with that one.

And while up in the mountains, I had the most extraordinary experience.
One of my favorite vacation "activities" is to lie on the swing on our screened in porch and read. And read. And read. And then sleep. It is awesome.

But one afternoon, as I was reading, I heard the sound of a hummingbird that seemed really close. And sounded a little odd. When I looked up I saw two hummingbirds INSIDE the screened in porch! The door was slightly ajar and they had somehow managed to fly in.

My amazement was matched by their frustration.


They were on the screen.
They could feel the fresh air.
They could smell the flowers.

Yet the screen posed an insurmountable obstacle. Freedom seemed so close, and yet was so elusive. They flew and flew up and down that screen, but they could not figure out how to go THROUGH it.

Susan to the rescue!

Brilliant idea #1: open door wide, and they will sense the air and fly through.
Result: Nope. They stayed on the screen, trying desperately to get to the fresh air they could feel flowing through.

Brilliant idea #2: gently herd them toward the door. 
Result: Ever tried to herd hummingbirds? Yep. About as easy as it sounds. They flew around the door to the screen on the other side!

Now I was out of brilliant ideas.

But, after a bit, the sweet little birds were getting so tired from trying so hard they began sitting of the ledge. I saw a small window of opportunity.

Brilliant idea #3: Pick them up and take them to a feeder.
Result: First of all, I now know from personal experience, that holding a hummingbird in your hand is about like holding a cotton ball. They weigh almost nothing. And second of all, if they are tired out from beating against an immovable object for an hour, they will let you carry them.

After getting them to nourishment, they flew off. Slower than normal. But they did fly off.

But I had been thinking.
How often was I like those hummingbirds?

• I get myself into a pickle.
• Then I beat against an immovable object in frustration.
• I ignore the way out in my pursuit of what seems, at the time, the only actual option.

"No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it."  -I Cor. 10:13

How often has God opened the door to my way of escape but I have stubbornly ignored it while pursuing what seems the only logical solution?

How worn out do I have to get before I will let Him pick me up and carry me to where I need to be?

Watching that bird try desperately and hopelessly to make its own way out, convicted me deeply.

Instead of TRYING SO HARD to fight my circumstances, and achieving no result, I should cry out like David did, "I am in trouble; hear me speedily. Draw near to my soul, and redeem it; deliver me!" -Ps 69:17,18

What insurmountable obstacle is in your way this morning?

Cry out to God!
He is faithful!
He has already made the way of escape!
He will deliver you!

Life is Messy

The end of the school year and the beginning of summer.....makes life a little crazy. So here is one from the vault!  
 

I love neat, and organized, and color coordinated, and plastic containers, and labels.

I love for everything to have a place and to be in that place.

I love to open the drawer and have the scissors right where they belong. I love for my file cabinets to have neat, alphabetical files with everything in them, preferably in chronological order.

I love to have a schedule to my day, my week, and my year.

And this is just how things are.....on the planet of "How Things Should Be".

But not in my house.

I can always envision it, and draw up lists to get there, and plan on days to accomplish it, but it just doesn't happen at my address.

It is sort of like when I sing. I love harmonies. I hear them in my head. But somewhere between my brain and my vocal cords the note changes or gets translated or altered or something... because when it comes out, it is not harmony...it is usually the opposite. When I manage to actually hit a good alto harmonious note it just gives me a thrill and sends shivers down my spine. And when I stand next to someone who sings perfect harmonies it both blesses me ... and condemns me. Why can't I do that, I wonder?

It is the same feeling I have when I walk into someone's home which actually looks like they live on the planet of "How Things Should Be". It gives me a thrill just to look around and see that it is possible and it condemns me as I ask myself, why can't I do this?

2 Corinthians warns us in 10:12: ...but when they measure themselves by themselves, and compare themselves with themselves, they are without understanding.

This Scripture actually refers to boasting and feeling pride as we compare ourselves. I personally don't deal with the temptation to boast all that often. I am pretty sure that almost everybody else has figured this thing out better than I have. I am, through being so aware of my weaknesses and failings, so incredibly grateful of the grace and mercy of God, because otherwise I would be sunk.

My comparing however brings about other sins, and they are ones I see in many women. Discouragement. Dissatisfaction. Regret. Self-condemnation. Weariness.

And in reality, ingratitude. So, while I am grateful for His grace and mercy, I am not grateful for what He has allotted to me.

My looking at others' strengths and letting them magnify my weaknesses, makes me ungrateful for how and what God has created and given to me. I am an idea person who starts projects before the last one is finished. I hate waste and therefore don't want to get rid of things that might be needed later. I am a Mom of a large family of varied and talented kids that are involved in projects and activities that require stuff and driving and traveling and equipment. I am a wife to a man with qualities and talents that have brought opportunities and requirements into our lives that necessitate me to stretch. I am a homeschooler who has a school library, computer lab, and various and a sundry other supplies to corral.

In short, my life and my abilities, and my weaknesses do not fit in a closet filled with Rubbermaid that has been attacked by a label maker.

This weekend I had a lesson in the fact that life is messy. We were staying with sweet family who put us up while we went to a Speech tournament. Their house looks perfectly clean- smooth counters, no piles, no dust.

And when we would come home at night between 9 and 10 they would already be asleep, with their house in order.

I on the other hand had made a mad dash out of my house (leaving it a mess), on very little sleep, trying to get everything ready for what I was leaving behind and where I was going. We had been going to bed late and getting up early.

At least twice during the weekend, when I thought I was feeling great and even smiling, someone would ask me, "Are you all right? You looked so tired!"

Great.

I didn't think I looked bad, and I looked bad.

What do I look like when I know I look bad?

I was already feeling the condemnation rolling over me as I left their neat, well-rested house this morning....late by the way....to rush off to our next activity, when life got even messier. Some minor mess ups, some accidents, some irritations, some miscommunications.

No reason to go into specifics.

Suffice it to say, life is messy.

Life is messy.

And I was discouraged.

Alright, I am still a little discouraged. But that is why I felt the need to write about this. Because I don't think I am supposed to be.

I don't think I am supposed to let the weight of the world rest on my shoulders, but rather let the One who placed the world on its foundations carry the weight.

I don't think I am supposed to be overcome, but rather rest in the arms of the Overcomer.

And I don't think I am supposed to be surprised that life is messy!

So if it is a fact that my life is messy, what will my response be?

• Will I sit back in my condemnation chair, singing "Nobody Knows the Troubles I've Seen"?
• Will I give up and become bitter and angry?
• Will I decide it is just not worth it and live for myself alone?

no. No. NO.

2 Corinthians goes on to say in 10:13: But we will not boast beyond our measure, but within the measure of the sphere which God apportioned (assigned is another translation) to us as a measure to reach...

If the God of the Universe has assigned me a messy, non-containable, unorganizable, full to overflowing life, then I had better stay within the "measure of the sphere He apportioned" and quit looking at other spheres to determine how I am doing. And I had better stop looking at the sphere of the planet of "How Things Should Be."

And I had better start praising Him and start being grateful for all He has given me.

Praise God for these messy days. These messy, accident prone, question provoking days. These days that keep me leaning on the Everlasting Arms.

These days, that confirm in my heart, that even if I wanted to boast, I have nothing to boast in.

2 Corinthians 10:17: He who boasts, let him boast in the Lord.

I Didn't Know I Knew

"I've just remembered something I must have known, but didn't know I knew." -Miss Marple.

I have only recently discovered Miss Marple.  And I love her. She makes me wish I was British.

In the recent episode I watched, she gets this sort of subtle, yet startled, look on her face (she does this a lot right before she solves a crime) and said the above quote: "I just remembered something I must have known, but didn't know I knew."

That is a doozie!

I mean how many times do I relearn what I already know?

• that God is faithful
• that He will provide what I need
• that the current circumstances are just the slimmest of veneers on what is actually going on
• that the little things I am so worried about right now will be rather insignificant in a few years
• that practicing gratitude will pull me out of the darkest of moods
• that I can't worry a situation into a better outcome

I just need to remember what I must have known, but sometimes don't know I knew.

So what do you know that you know?

Well, don't forget!

The Hardest Job You Will Ever Love That Will Almost Kill You

These are not my boys.  But when I saw this picture
I just laughed.  Something felt so....familiar!

I remember the exact moment.
We had just moved to Dayton, Ohio, and had begun the Great Church Hunt. While visiting with a family at the Fellowship we ended up attending, the Dad, who had a house full of teenagers, looked at me, surrounded by my little ones, and said, "I remember those days. I sure miss them. They were a lot easier."

Easier???? Really????
I was standing there with three little boys, the youngest on my hip who was not quite a year, a two-year old who at home was a whirling dervish, but in public became the child who clings to your leg and wraps himself up in your skirt, and a four year old who was already worried about what other people thought of him.

I loved my boys.
But THIS was EASIER?
I was continually tying their shoes, or wiping noses or other parts of their anatomy, or preparing food, or acting like the referee of a WWF fight, or dropping everything to respond to a scream, or realizing it was TOO quiet and I had to figured just what was going on.
THIS was the easy part?!?!

Fast forward quite a few years.
We now live in Dover, Delaware, 4 moves later.
We are in church with six children and one on the way.
I am dealing with homeschooling all three levels of school (high school, junior high, elementary), have teenagers to toddlers, a husband who works untold hours of work, and dealing with pregnancy weariness and emotions like I had never had before.

And the pastor is talking about his older children, who are all out of the house.
For a moment, I sigh and let my mind wander to that time when they are all grown up and out of the house. They will of course be happily married, and have good jobs, and come visit me often in my clean house bringing my beautiful, well-behaved grandchildren. There may have even been fuzzy edges on this picture and a white picket fence around the house.

And then pastor went and burst my dream by saying, "This is the hardest time of being a parent that we have ever had."

WHAT?!
It is going to get HARDER?!?!?
Are you kidding me?
Stop the train conductor, 'cause I am getting off!!!

I remembered times I had thought, "When they can all just tie their shoes. THEN it will be easier."
Or, "When they can all fix themselves a sandwich. THEN it will be easier."
Or, "When they all come to know the Lord for themselves. THEN it will be easier."

And I can now say: Nope. Never gets easier.

Sorry if I am bursting your bubble. But let us be honest.

Mothering is the hardest job that you will ever love that will almost kill you.

It is true.
If you truly love your children and truly the want the best for them (and what Mother does not) then you will:

• make them eat things they don't like but are good for them
• draw the line and not let them act like hooligans
• make them go and confess and apologize for some horrible thing that they have done, which will not only be good for their character, but will embarrass you to the depths of your toes.
• be the "only Mother" who will not let her children read the scandalous book or watch the immoral movie.
• go to every sports event, piano concert, dance recital, speech tournament, or any other thing that catches their fancy and cheer wildly or console gently....which ever is called for.....with your entire being. 
• require them to study and learn and not allow them to be satisfied with mediocre work, but push them to find the better part in themselves where the excellence lies.
• look straight into their teenage, know-it-all eyes, draw the line in the sand, keep your cool, and Not Give In!
• give them the best piece of pie, the last drink of lemonade, the optimal viewing point for the parade, the softest pillow, the warmest blanket, and the longest hug, all at your own personal expense.

And then, as they get older, you will watch them make decisions that worry you, and you will have to keep your mouth shut, smile as convincingly as you can, turn around, and run to your prayer closet. And there you will pray to the only One who can truly take care of them.

Motherhood truly is the most amazing, most difficult, most rewarding job.....that will almost kill you.

And it is worth every blood letting, tear dropping, heart pounding, soul wrenching, joy abounding moment.

I am so glad I am a Mom. It is the best Hard Job I have ever had.

And so I wish all the Moms out there:  HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!

And remember, what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger.